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2005-05-08 - 2:55 p.m. The Distance,,, Post-Golden Week? Well, aside from watching TV, having all my liquor drunk by one of my roommates (who later apologized and promised to buy everyone back all the drinks and food he took... 'a bit (understatement) of a bender' was the reason he gives on his apology note/grocery list)... I did very little. You know, the one problem I always tend to have is, uh, 'distance'. Escpecially now, since I kind of do live some thousands of miles away from where my roots are supposed to be. And, take it from me, it's pretty damn hard to keep in touch with your five friends and mom and sis when they all live on the other side of the world. I mean, I'll either wake them up in the middle of the night, or annoy them during daylight hours with my yawns. But, then again, I am not the best person to know anyway. I try to be a good listener, but if that person is upset, I will feel upset too, and what in god's name can I do about it? Take my family situation right now. My mother, who I love very much, does nothing but tells me about all her troubles every time I call her. This is not what I need. She will yell at me about money problems, which I don't like even thinking about. (Damn it, if I cared about money, I would have been a business major, damnit). She would inquire if I sent my brother an email yet, which I should do because the damn fool is now stationed in Afghanistan, some airport or another. He's been there since March (but is it bad for me to hesitate sending him a note because I wouldn't know what to say? Because I've lost whatever it was we had during high school?) She would weep as she talked about how sad my little sister. (Sad? 'Fucking depressed' I think the proper phrase is. She has crawled into a misery shell and doesn't come out for anyone except for her father, who is a worthless person to me, even without comparing him to my own father or my mother. But who can blaime her? Within a year, mom and him split, she gets a new boyfriend [who hasn't done anything to anger me yet], her big sister leaves home, and her brother has lived out of state for years already. Then there's the usual stuff: puberty, hormones, high school, annoying boys, and Linkin Park....) (Wait, Linkin Park is depressing to me. To think, that's what passes as popular rock...) Anyway, one hour a week, these arre the recurring themes. And the worse of it, the worse it that I can't do anything about any of these things. Money? What little I have I can't even send to her for a while because of my work schedule. My brother? He feels like a stranger to me, for such a long time. My sister? All I can do is cry, because I can't to anything about anything for anyone. So, maybe it is better that I'm so far away from all I know. Less trouble comes tumbling down on me that way. Less problems I can't do anything about. Less reason to cry, maybe.. The Past - Guestbook - The Future, Too |