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2003-10-14 - 6:39 a.m. The Last Few Days 3: Karaoke and Afterwards Now, where was I? Oh, Karaoke. We went to karaoke for a couple of hours, just me and him. Did you know there was a small trend for teenagers to go to karaoke booths to have sex for cheap? No, we didn't have sex. Anyway, we got a pretty damn small room on the second floor. I ordered a soda, and he got something alcoholic. We took a couple of turns singing, but then, on the third time, he didn't take his turn. He instead patted the space next to him, trying to get me to sit closer. Oh fun. Okay, let me stop and say that I didn't like the fact that he wouldn't sing, even when I motioned to him that it's his turn. He only wanted to cuddle. I didn't want to cuddle. Then I thought of Erik. Remember Erik? I know you do. My first date with Erik began as this one began. Silent lunch. Walking around. A cozy, semi-private spot. Then we started making out. Okay, that part I regret. A whole damn lot. And I didn't like the fact that this guy, who I just met that day in person, wanted to kiss me. To hold me close and say the same overly-sugary things he kept saying in his emails. He said he loved me, and he doesn't even fucking know me. By the time the first hour was over, I still wanted to just sing and have a good time, but I think I would have rather left. I actually battled with myself over it. I thought of how my friends would have handled it, of being tougher, but I'm not tough. When I was with Erik, I felt like I became a doll. I don't think I liked him even in the beginning, but I let myself be led by him, not like a dog, but... A doll. I did what he wanted because he asked. It's hard to explain. As this guy tried to hug me and look at my face (I kept my head down, my hair hiding me a bit) and kiss me with those chapped lips, I couldn't help thinking about Erik and how I felt like a doll with him. I don't want that. I hate typing this, but I'm actually cry a bit over this. I kept singing, trying to get him to sing along to. One song I sang was good ol' Britney's 'Oops', but apparently people haven't spread the idea that what you sing in karaoke is what's in your heart at that moment. He offered me a bit of his drink. He actually stopped me from singing near the very end, while I was trying to pick through a version of Utena's ending song. If I was upset over the fact that he didn't want to sing, I completely lost it over that. He stopped me from doing what I liked. Ooh... I have no really logical reason why I let him hug me and hold me and whatever. It's just my nature, I'm guessing. We went to the movie. He tried to hold my hand in public, but no way. He had his arm around me while we waited for the movie to start. I just rested my face on the palm of my hand and let my mind wander. I actually started thinking about what planet ruled what zodiac sign and Sailor Moon. He held my hand during the movie. Later said that I had a very loud voice. Wanted to see me again on Monday, which is a holiday, but I said no. More than once, he said that he wanted to date me, to be my partner/boyfriend/whatever, and each time, I told him that 'I didn't know yet'. I gues I should have said I wanted nothing like that with him. That, after he was way too fast for me in karaoke, and wouldn't let me fucking sing in the end, I didn't even wanted to see him again. He tempted me with a date to Disney Sea, but I think I'm way more excited over going there than being with him. Now that I think about it, I would rather go alone. Side note: I was looking through the 'fieds today, got a new copy of the mag during the date, and there was an ad in the friends section. Some Japanese girl is looking for pals to go with her to Disney Sea and do stuff together. Stroke of luck, no? I'll send her a note after payday. We separated in front of the turnstiles for his trainline home. We fortunately do not take the same line. Because of the whole date thing, I was broke again and thought that I should head to the bank in Shibuya to get some money out of my account back home before I take the two-hour trip back. There, I bumped into my 'friend' from the last two times I was in Shibuya. Black, nice smile, goes by the name Rako. He gave me his phone number. Not that I would call him either, maybe. After wandering around there for a bit, getting my money, and buying a sandwich for dinner, he stopped me again. Did it help anything that I was purposely moving my ass to R.Kelly's 'Thoinga Thoinga'? He, kind of good ol' Satoshi, wants to get to know me, because I seem like a good girl. Actually promised me that he could satisfy my needs. Wanted to meet me at home (just like Satoshi there too). I told him that I'll give him a call after Halloween, my payday. But I don't know about this guy either. At least he's persistent, but I should start looking for a new place to wander around in whenever I'm bored and in Tokyo, especially since the odds that he will see me again are pretty damn high (he does work there.) I got back at around 10. First thing I did was get online to talk with Pam for some advice. Sometime while he was cuddling me, I asked Satoshi for his b-day, March 23. Unfortunately, I had to give mine to him, but I guess I'll live. Great advice, by the way, Pam. Thank you. When I finally got home, I didn't want to go to bed. Don't know why. When I finally did, it was 3 in the morning. Very late for me. I still don't know what to do with this guy. I don't want to be rude, but I woulld much rather ignore him than tell him I had a lousy time. By the time I figure out what I'm going to do, though, it will probably be after I ignored him for two months. I see it happen. The Past - Guestbook - The Future, Too |